


things you said

by pissedofsandwich



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 5,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7838458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pissedofsandwich/pseuds/pissedofsandwich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>from this <a href="http://mighty-poffertjes.tumblr.com/post/149158562729/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a">meme</a> requested by anon. 23 snippets from their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. things you said at 1 am

**Author's Note:**

> this is a collection of roughly 200 words drabbles. there are 23 of them, and i will be hopefully posting them all at once tonight. all mistakes are mine. hope you enjoy <3

“Don’t you ever think,” Hikaru starts, and Ben hums quietly to indicate that he’s not asleep, not yet. Two weeks before the Kobayashi Maru, and Hikaru is driving himself crazy preparing for the exam that is programmed to be unbeatable. Ben just managed to get him to lay on something that’s horizontal, pinning his lithe body underneath his heavier built, unwilling to move until his boyfriend gets some shut-eye.

He didn’t really take the monster energy drink Hikaru just downed into consideration. If it means he has to stay like this until some ungodly hour in the morning, he doesn’t care. Hikaru needs to go to sleep. And if deep, existential thoughts about life is what will put him to sleep, Ben will endure it.

“Yeah?” Ben prompts when Hikaru’s gone silent. 0100 thoughts are often intrusive or downright disturbing. He tightens his hold around Hikaru’s hand to comfort him.

Hikaru trains his eyes on Ben’s. In the 5% lights, it makes him look older, despite being younger than Ben. He furrows his eyebrows, and says, in a serious tone, “Shaking hands is basically equivalent to two muppet skeletons biting each other’s faces.”

And that? That is why Ben loves him to bits.


	2. things you said through your teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hikaru runs into some troubles while on an away mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this work is set in no definitive 'verse. these drabbles are not necessarily correlated or connected, but may refer to one another.

Hikaru should just accept that by now, nothing involving the Enterprise will turn out the way it’s supposed to be. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. If you’re expecting a peaceful, uneventful diplomatic mission with attractive aliens, surprise! You will get violent, action-packed mission that ends in one or three members of the landing parties being kept overnight in medbay. If you’re expecting a brutal, wild mission, double surprise! You will probably face worse.

“I see a wedding,” the Athion croons. “Oh, no. Two weddings. Your mother wants a full-blown Japanese traditional wedding, and your mother-in-law wants it done in Korean customs.” His voice stumbles upon Japanese and Korean, not used to the two foreign words. “I feel your love for him radiating through you as you walk down the aisle—and oh, a daughter! A beautiful, beautiful girl. You just saw her ride her bicycle all by herself. The pride, the affection. You love them.”

Hikaru struggles against the Athion’s grip. It’s beginning to be difficult to breathe. Understandable, since the Athion is holding him up by his fucking _neck_. “You won’t touch them,” he grinds his teeth. “You lay a hand on them, and you will fucking die a terrible death.”

The Athion fixes him with a crooked smile. “Don’t you know what happens when we lay our hands on you imbeciles?”

 _Athions_ , Hikaru remembers the Captain’s briefing, _are a race of telepaths that feed off each other’s memories. It’s how they survive, somehow, regardless of how fucked up that sounds. We’re beaming down to understand how that works. They’re friendly, but whatever you do, don’t let them touch you. One single brush of hands, and you lose your memories. Permanently._

Hikaru spits on the Athion. It causes the alien to drop him, howling in rage, but Hikaru doesn’t get far away. He feels two strong hands forcing his head back, a lifetime of pain searing through his body like molten glass, then darkness.

When he wakes up, there’s a man waiting at the side of his bed. His hair is a little long, growing just past the underside of his ears, and they look soft. He’s holding a little girl by the arm. The girl can’t be older than six, maybe five years and a half. She’s holding a toy of _something_ that has a saucer and two cylinders attached to it.

“Hello,” Hikaru says hesitantly, “Have we met before?”


	3. things you said too quietly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben doesn't say it often.

His voice is so small, Hikaru almost didn’t catch it. He thought he’s imagining it for a second, but the look on Ben’s face gives it away. Hesitant, as he always is when he’s faced with the question of Hikaru’s feelings towards him, years of low self-esteem bubbling up to make him think that somehow, after all this time, after everything they’ve been through, Hikaru doesn’t love him back.

Maybe that’s why Ben doesn’t say it often.

“Can you say it again?” Hikaru asks gently.

“I love you,” Ben says. His voice is still barely above a whisper.

Hikaru grins. “Do you want to hear me shout how much I love you too from the rooftop?”

Ben laughs. “Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re joking or if you’re being serious,” he says, but at the look on Hikaru’s face, he falters. “Wait. You’re not joking.”

And that’s how Hikaru gets kicked out of the Academy dorms. That’s fine; Ben’s been wanting to ask him to move in anyway. It’s a win-win solution.


	4. things you said over the phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demora has some exciting news.

Demora is mostly all Ben and Hikaru talk about on their video calls. What Demora’s been up to, what little things she accomplished today, is she doing fine, is she socializing fine with her friends at school? It’s a bummer Hikaru didn’t get to see all this in person, but Ben promises to do everything to include Hikaru in Demora’s childhood as much as he can.

It’s why they invented Demora Day. It’s set in no particular day, but there has to be at least one day in the week where Hikaru gets to sit down and talk to Demora for an hour. It’s what he looks forward to the most every time he gets up to do his job at the helm. They talk about everything; from a flower she accidentally stepped in the garden to her secret stash of cookies that Ben (pretends) he doesn’t know about. 

The tradition goes on until Demora grows older, until the five-year-mission is finished and Hikaru’s commissioned for the Excelsior at the age of 42. Their sessions have become significantly less frequent, but it’s still his favorite part of the day.

“Hi, Papa,” Demora greets him. Her hair’s gotten longer since the last time Hikaru saw her in person. “Okay, I don’t have much time because I’m going out with friends in an hour, but I just wanted to call because I have a special announcement just for you.”

“Ooh, I wonder what that is,” Hikaru says.

“I got accepted to Starfleet!”

Hikaru’s heart stops. “You… what?”

Demora’s smile drops. “I got accepted to Starfleet,” she repeats slowly. Hikaru’s throat feels suddenly dry. “Why… why don’t you look happy?”

Hikaru thinks of Ben, all the years he spent alone in their house in Yorktown, waiting and waiting for Hikaru to come home. It’s stupid of him not to see this coming, to think that Demora won’t want to join Starfleet and stay grounded with Ben. He pictures Ben alone in San Francisco, cooking dinner for one, and feels his heart clench.

“I’m happy,” he says, “I always knew you could do it. You’ve always been exceptional, Demora. You’re a Sulu, of course you’re exceptional,” Hikaru tries to lighten the mood. He fails. There’s no use tiptoeing around it. “But that doesn’t mean you should.”

“But…” Demora looks confused. “Why? I thought you would be happy with me following after your steps.”

“I am! I’m happy,” Hikaru assures her. “But your father. What would he say to that?” Demora looks increasingly confused. “He’ll be alone if you left. You’ll be leaving alone.”

At that, Demora’s confusion clears, anger replacing its place. “And you’re not?” Demora retorts. “What have you been doing the past two decades, if not leaving us, Papa?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Hikaru tries.

Demora isn’t having it. “You’re such a hypocrite. How could you even say that? I’ll be leaving Dad alone? That’s what you’ve been doing since the day I was adopted, Pap If it weren’t for these stupid phone calls, you would be completely absent from my childhood.”

Hikaru is at a loss for words. “Demora—“

“You know what?” Demora cuts him off, her gaze icy. “You’re not even my real father.”

The line goes dead.


	5. things you didn’t say at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To this day, Hikaru still thinks they hooked up.

Ben never says this, but they didn’t hook up that night they met in a bar near the Academy, all those years ago. Ben did take him back to his apartment, and Hikaru did try to kiss him, but they weren’t even doing anything when Hikaru suddenly stopped, and ran for the bathroom.

And puked.

Ben ended up being his caretaker for the whole night. By the time Hikaru finished retching, Ben’s arousal had completely gone, worry now succeeding it. Hikaru’s shirt was soaked with sweat, so Ben took it off. He told Hikaru to wait in the bedroom as he grabbed a change of clothes, but by the time he came back with clean pyjamas, Hikaru had fallen asleep. He’d somehow stripped down to his boxers. Ben didn’t bother to wake him up, and besides, he was tired himself. So he laid down next to the cadet, and slept.

To this day, Hikaru still thinks they hooked up.


	6. things you said under the stars and in the grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go hiking.

“Why haven’t mosquitoes gone extinct?” Hikaru complains. “I mean, what the hell, somehow _bees_ went extinct but these assholes didn’t?”

“You’re the one who wanted to go hiking,” Ben reminds him, rolling his eyes. “No one goes hiking anymore, Hikaru, unless you’re a tree-hugger freak. And stop being so sad about bees; we replicated them, they’re fine.”

“We should’ve killed the mosquitoes,” Hikaru says darkly, swatting at the air around him.

“Last time we tried that with cockroaches, our ecosystem went to hell,” Ben, again, reminds him. “Here. Use this insect repellent lotion, and for the love of God, stop whining. You brought this on yourself.” He tosses the lotion over. Hikaru catches it with a pout.

“Forgive me for wanting to be all romantic and make out under the stars and in the grass,” Hikaru mumbles. He slathers the lotion all over his exposed skin anyway.

“If you wanna make out,” Ben pulls him close, “you should’ve just said.”


	7. things you said while we were driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hikaru takes Ben for a ride.

“A PX70?” Ben is halfway to laughing. “Really?”

“ _Fast and Furious_ remake style,” Hikaru grins, straddling the motorcycle in a way that definitely didn’t need to be _that_ sexual. He puts the key into the ignition, and the engine starts with a rumble. Hypermasculinity is shit, but damn if he doesn’t look manly, with his slicked-back hair and leather jacket.

“You know these things emit air pollution, right?” Ben raises his eyebrows, trying not to look too impressed. This is only the second date.

“We solved air pollution last century,” Hikaru replies. He hands Ben a spare helmet. “Come on, hop in. We’re going for a ride.”

Hesitantly, Ben puts on the helmet and climbs behind Hikaru.

“Hold tight,” Hikaru says it like a warning.

Ben scoffs. “I can handle—whoa!” Hikaru steps on the gas and speeds up. It’s a miracle Ben didn’t fall over. His hands go around Hikaru’s waist, holding on tight. The other man cracks up, and Ben feels warmth spreading through his cheeks.

“I told ya to hold tight!”


	8. things you said when you were crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demora sees her father cry for the first time.

Dad’s always been the calmer one of her fathers. While Papa considers himself a pretty chill person himself, his emotions are not subtle. With Dad, it’s a little harder to read. Because Papa beams and runs across the station to pick her up, but Dad gives him small smiles and an arm around his waist.

It doesn’t bother Demora. She needs the calmness, the gentleness that Dad always exhibits. It’s a nice change from her loud Academy life. That’s why it throws her off when she finds him crying one day, one or three droplets of tears falling as he sets his comm down. His eyes are vacant, and he stares far into the distance.

Demora’s blood runs cold. Carefully, she approaches her dad, and sits down next to him. “Dad…” she loops one arm around him. “Is everything okay?”

It’s another minute before he speaks. He sounds distant, like he's not even talking to her. “Get your things ready. We’re going back to San Francisco for your father’s funeral.”


	9. things you said when i was crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hikaru is a three-dimensional, multifaceted, complex man.

“Are you… seriously crying right now?” Ben asks, incredulous. Hikaru sniffs into his throw pillow, ignoring Ben’s amused face.

“Listen,” Hikaru says. “This movie was the shit, okay. I discovered my sexuality through watching Kenji and Akira interact. And it’s a damn tragedy, because Akira didn’t have to leave! He could train at 55 Cancri-E and save Wasp 12B from dying! Kenji wouldn’t have hated him, and they could have a chance at being together and raising a family with 2.5 kids!"

“I can’t believe you,” Ben says. “You saved Earth from Nero, and this is what you cry over? I can’t believe this is the same guy who fought off two Romulans with nothing but a katana. And freefalled from a drill without a parachute.”

“I’m a three-dimensional, multifaceted, complex man,” Hikaru says, and reaches for more popcorn.

 


	10. things you said that made me feel like shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They fight, and it's vicious.

"I'll do fine as a single father! That's what I've been the past three fucking years," Ben shouts, and Hikaru's blood runs cold.

"You don't mean that," Hikaru says, barely above a whisper.

Ben doesn't answer immediately. Hikaru dares to look up. Ben doesn't look angry, not anymore, he just looks - helpless, now. "Shit," he runs his hand through his hair. "I didn't mean that. Fuck." His eyes are red, like he's been crying all night. "Sorry. I just. I never asked for anything, Hikaru. Never. I know how much you love your job - but Demora's sick, can't you just - be here, for once?"

"I'm Captain, Ben," Hikaru says, and it sounds like a plea. "God knows where Spock is, Jim is dying, and Leonard is driving himself to an early grave trying to cure him. I'm all they have left."

"God," Ben sighs loudly. "I'm too tired for this. Call me later when you're done being stupid."

And the screen goes dark.


	11. things you said when you were drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hikaru saves him.

Ben is growing uneasy. He shouldn’t have applied for a bartending job, he’s far too socially awkward and uncomfortable to keep this job. The pay is good, but most nights, he wonders if it’s really worth gritting his teeth and smiling tightly at flirting patrons. Most of them can take a hint, but the rest of them are absolutely terrible.

Starfleet cadets become his least favorite. There’s one group who keeps on coming, and they won’t leave him alone. His manager won’t do anything about it, because, alas, they’re rich and they tip well. Tonight is no different. They come bounding over to the bar, and order the most expensive drinks. Then, the flirting comes, the touches that last too long to not be deliberate, the teasing smiles that make Ben’s stomach churn.

“What’s the matter, Benny boy? I thought I treat you well,” one of them says. Ben has to refrain from chucking a beer bottle towards his head. “C’mon, I tipped you graciously this time, the least you could do is sleep with me.”

“Hey, hey!”

Ben glances to where the voice comes from. This one’s new. Ben’s never seen him around before, and he looks young enough to be a first-year. He’s obviously drunk, though, and if he ends up doing what Ben thinks he will, this Asian guy stands no chance.

“He’s working, man, leave him alone,” the Asian guy says.

“And who are you?” the annoying group leader—he has to be, he always stands in the middle for group pictures—scoffs.

“Does it matter who I am? Just leave it, man, he doesn’t want to sleep with you.” The Asian guy sips at his beer, then puts it down with a drunken giggle. “You guys are _ugly_.”

And just like that, a fight breaks out. Ben ducks underneath the counter to avoid getting caught up in the mess, and prays that the group doesn’t beat the Asian guy too badly. He hears crashes, frightened yells and panicked shouts, the sickening sounds of flesh meeting fists—and nothing. He dares himself to look up.

And there, standing in the center of the club, is the Asian guy, surprisingly alive.

He glances briefly at Ben, and then goes back to finish his beer. He makes a face. “Oh, God, I hate warm beer,” he complains. He looks back at the groaning pile of humans at his feet. “Never mess a guy with fencing training, my guy.” And then, to Ben, “Can I get another? Please?”

The next day, Ben quits his job.


	12. things you said when you thought i was asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is not vocal when it comes to sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter is NSFW.

Ben is not vocal when it comes to sex. That doesn’t mean he’s bad at it—oh, Hikaru has memories of some of the best orgasms in his life to prove it—but Ben is just not open about it. He tends to just do things, which is fine; talking spoils some of the fun anyway.

But there are times when Ben does speak, in the bliss of post-coital drowsiness, when Hikaru’s halfway to dream world, whispered words spoken against the plane of his chest. It’s clear Ben only says because he thought Hikaru’s still asleep, but these are rare moments, so Hikaru shuts his eyes and tries to listen. They’re fragments of a bigger paragraph, little reminders of what Ben likes, of what Ben likes the most about tonight, of what Ben wishes to do to him. What Ben will let Hikaru do to him.

Hikaru pretends he didn’t hear. After all, he’s a man of action, and like he said, talking spoils some of the fun anyway.

 


	13. things you said at the kitchen table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demora does not want to get Salmonella.

“Demora, what did I say about licking raw batter?” Ben quickly snatches the bowl chocolate batter away from the six-year-old, who grins sheepishly at him from her place on the kitchen counter. He shakes his head. “You could get _Salmonella_. And that won’t be good.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” she says. “They just taste so good.”

“But they’re also uncooked,” Ben explains for the umpteenth time. “Bacteria everywhere. Bad for your health. What if Papa comes home and you’re sick?”

Demora gasps. “Then I can’t play Starship with him and Uncle Pavel,” she says with absolute horror in her eyes.

“Exactly,” Ben nods. “So don’t go around eating raw batter, alright?”

“Alright,” Demora agrees. Silence, and then, “But can I have just one last taste?”


	14. things you said after you kissed me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of Khan, Ben reunites with Hikaru.

“I thought you died,” Ben says, his forehead to Hikaru’s and his hands on Hikaru’s chest. Smoke rises up to the atmosphere, the Enterprise broken and fallen near the Golden Bridge, a stark silver against red and blue.

Hikaru has to kiss Ben again just to convince himself he’s not making things up.

 


	15. things you said with too many miles between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben doesn't say he misses him.

Ben doesn’t say he misses him. Whenever there’s a lull in their conversation, and there’s nothing to talk about other than the lightyears between them, and all they could do is touch the screen and hope it will be enough, Ben never says it. He’ll crack a joke instead, a funny anecdote his work friends tell him, something Demora did that he forgot to tell him.

Hikaru knows Ben misses him. He sees it in the tired lines on his forehead, the laughter that’s a little more than sad, the smile that says something about waiting. Maybe he doesn’t say it because it makes it all more real - that it will always be like this, a world’s distance between them, nights spent sleeping alone. 

That’s okay. They’ll just invent other ways to say it.


	16. things you said with no space between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben left the stove on.

“I think I left the stove on,” Ben says, his forehead to Hikaru’s, hips grinding, hands clasped together. They’re making out on couch like teenagers, something that they’ve never done since they had Demora. She’s over at McCoy’s now, playing with Joanna, who’s come to Yorktown for the weekend.

“Oh, God,” Hikaru laughs against Ben’s mouth. “Let the house burn down.”

Ben snickers, and kisses him again.


	17. things you said that i wish you hadnt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben regrets this big time.

So there's this new, hot restaurant that just opened in Yorktown, right? And Hikaru is itching to go. He's a huge foodie, and it's their fifth anniversary, so obviously, Ben pulls strings to get them a table there. It's all perfect; Ben's wearing that form-fitting blue blazer that Hikaru really, really likes, Jim lends him his vintage PX70 to take Hikaru for a ride with, Hikaru is practically glowing - except for one thing.

Who's going to watch Demora?

"Spock can do it," Hikaru suggests.

It sounds like a good idea. Spock is responsible. Nothing can go wrong with Spock in charge. Ben agrees - and later, he wishes that he hadn't.

Because having Spock means also having Jim around, Jim Kirk who drives a car off a cliff when he was fourteen, which means: trouble. Also, Spock has an undeniable soft spot for Jim, which means: double trouble.

At 2100, Hikaru gets a call.

"Mr. Sulu. I'm calling to forewarn you about a... slight predicament I seem to have stumbled into. Please refrain from watching the news until approximately 3.76 hours have passed."

"What. What the hell happened?"

"As of now, Demora is... taking lessons, for lack of better word, from Jim."

"Why would you let Jim teach her ANYTHING?" 

"It was, I will admit, an error on my judgment. But I assure you, everything is under control."

Ben politely asks the waitress to switch to local news, and his jaw drops. There, recorded amateurly, a footage of a small two-passenger vessel flying above Yorktown in zig-zag, turbulent motions. There's nothing weird about it - people get drunk and fly a plane from time to time - except there, in a too big helmet, grinning from ear to ear, is seven-year-old Demora at the helm.

It's a miracle they didn't die right then and there of heart attack.


	18. things you said when you were scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yorktown is under attack.

Yorktown is under attack. Yorktown is under attack, and Hikaru has been MIA for two days. There’s been no word from the Enterprise nor from the ship it’s supposed to save. Starfleet received a distress call and departed several ships to answer, leaving the station unmanned, and now Yorktown is under attack.

“Daddy,” Demora keeps wiping at her tears. She’s trying to be tough, to stop crying, and Ben holds her closer, huddled close in a corner at the underground evacuation center with thousands of other dwellers. “Is Papa going to save us?”

Hikaru is probably dead. MIA and faulty distress calls mean that Hikaru’s gone. It’s easier, back before warp is discovered, to say that you won’t believe someone is dead until you see the body. His body could be floating through space, aimlessly, until it burns out near a star.

Ben closes his eyes. “Yes,” he says. “He’s going to save us.”


	19. things you said when we were the happiest we ever were

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demora comes into their lives.

Hikaru’s a predictable man when it comes to love. Words, romance, wooing - he’s not an expert at all that. Kirk likes to joke that he traded flirting skills for his intense, razor-sharp focus and mad piloting skills. Ask him what are some the happiest moments of his life, and he’ll tell you exactly what you think.

The day he gets his piloting license. The day he got promoted to lieutenant. His wedding days - both of their parents insist that they get married in their respective ethnic customs, and so to avoid conflict they decide to get married twice.

But nothing makes him happier than today.

Ben’s eyes are shiny. There’s a baby in his hold, beautiful, tiny. Hikaru is almost scared to touch it.

“Demora,” Ben says suddenly. “We’ll name her Demora.”


	20. things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hikaru is awaken by a disturbing dream.

Hikaru is awaken by a disturbing dream. Since Nero, his dreams have become more like nightmares, nameless faces of crewmembers who died in the attack, destroyed ships and bodies crawling through the cracks in his memories. He blinks blearily up at the digital clock. It’s 0400. The bed beside him is empty, but it’s still warm. Ben’s probably taking a piss.

His hypothesis is confirmed when he hears voices coming from the bathroom. It sounds like Ben is talking to someone, which is weird, because who would be available at such an ungodly hour? He drags his feet towards the bathroom, and listens intently.

“… yeah, yeah, that’s the size. I want the platinum one, with the—yes, that’s exactly it,” Ben is saying. Hikaru scrunches up his face in confusion. Platinum? Is he buying jewelry? For what? And more importantly, for whom? “The final frontier, yeah, that’s what I want inscribed on the inside of the ring.”

Oh. Oh. And suddenly it’s clear. Ben’s buying a ring.

For him.


	21. things you said when we were on top of the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Demora are on top of the world.

Ben’s never been adventurous, not like his wild husband and daughter, and can hardly remember if he’s ever felt invincible. Like he’s conquered the world and on cloud nine. His wedding day is joy like he’s never felt before, and they day they adopted Demora is the happiest Ben’s ever been.

But today, he can proudly say that he’s on top of the world.

Demora groans when Ben says it. “Oh, God, dad jokes,” she whines. “We’re floating above Earth, Dad.”

Ben cackles. “Exactly. We’re _on top_ of it.”

 


	22. things you said after it was over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of another attack on Yorktown.

“It’s never going to be over, is it?”

The white neon lights shine on the worst of Ben's wounds. The skin around his right eye has turned an ugly blue, and there are red, angry spots across his cheekbones, lips spilt. Hikaru is not a violent man, but right now his hand itches for his katana, wants to put a hole through whoever did this to Ben, to their family.

There's nothing that can be said. Apologies don't matter. What's done is done.

"You need to move out of Yorktown," Hikaru says. "I can't keep letting this happen to you."

Ben doesn't say anything for a long time. His eyes flicker towards Demora, a clean, white bandage wrapped around her upper arm, where a glass shard grazed the skin, as peaceful as she can be in her sleep.

"I'll get you on the first ship back to Earth," Hikaru continues. He's pacing the living room, anxious, angry, remorseful. "This base isn't safe anymore."

Ben sighs, finally tearing his eyes away from their daughter. "Sit down, Hikaru."

"Pack your clothes. I'll send the rest on a cargo ship. Call my mom, too, so she can prepare the house for you -"

"Hikaru." Stern, demanding. Hikaru finally stops, collapsing on the sofa across from Dem. Somehow, he feels like he doesn't deserve to sit close to them. Not when he's put them in danger.

It's another minute before Ben finally speaks. "It's never going to be safe. Anywhere. As long as there are bad guys, nowhere is safe."

"But Yorktown is an easy target," Hikaru argues. "Earth is not the safest place on Earth, but it's safer."

"No, Hikaru," Ben says, sounding weak. "If anything, the Klingons will be after Earth. It's clear it's war they seek out. They won't stop until the Federation dissolves."

"God." Hikaru buries his face in his hands, suddenly feeling like he's aged ten years. "First Krall, and now this."

"It doesn't matter where Demora and I are, Hikaru," Ben says. "I could be on some far away planet, and some aliens with a grudge would come destroy us with some black hole weapon no one's ever heard before. The moment Earth made first contact, we aren't safe."

"I still wish..." Hikaru's words die in his throat. A voice that sounds strangely like Commander Spock's tells him that wishing for things is illogical, when there evidently is no way things could be different. Ben is right. There has been three major attacks against the Federation in the last five years alone. Yorktown or Earth, their safety would be compromised.

He glances at Ben, at the injuries he sustained. The Klingons managed to infiltrate several public places and harmed about a hundred civilians before the Federation arrived. Ben is one of the luckiest. The Enterprise landed before Klingons could create any more damage, but it makes Hikaru's blood boils at the thought of them laying hands on his family.

"Teach me how to fight," Ben says suddenly.

Hikaru's head snaps up. "What?"

"I need you to teach me how to fight," Ben repeats with something fierce behind his words. "I'm tired of running like damsel in distress. Tired of feeling useless. I want to fight back."

"Ben..."

"They came for the children first," Ben forces the words out of his mouth. "I saw - all ten of them, just dropped dead. Demora and I hid inside the closet. She was - she was bleeding. Her arm's hit by something when they detonated the windows. And they - they found us. They grabbed Demora -"

Hikaru feels sick to his stomach.

"All I could do was fucking beg them to spare her," Ben says. "Beg, on my knees like a dog. I couldn't do anything until your captain showed up." He turns his eyes towards Hikaru. Determination flares behind his irises. "I want you to teach me how to fight back."

Hikaru thinks of Ben's gentle hands, tending to the plants in their little greenhouse, making those heart-shaped pancakes that Demora likes, cradling her in his arms, soft on Hikaru's naked skin. Hands that have never had the intetion to hurt.

Until now.

 _God, I've ruined him_. Hikaru flicks his eyes to Demora's sleeping form. _I've ruined them._

Even as he thinks so, he nods. He walks over to Ben, presses a kiss on his hair, grey with ash and dust.

"Okay," Hikaru says.


	23. things you said in a hotel room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Hikaru go on a honeymoon.

“Room service is terrible,” Ben says.

“Okay, but consider this: I’m too tired to go out,” Hikaru says, muffled by the pillow he’s burying himself into. It’s a lie; he isn’t actually tired. It’s just that he wants to spend the whole night just lounging in bed, kissing and maybe doing something more, as newlyweds on their honeymoon do. But Ben won’t sit still. He’s buzzing with excitement, drones on and on about the vista around their hotel, how there’s always either a sunset or sunrise everywhere he looks.

Ben rolls his eyes. “No, you’re not. Get up. Let’s go eat outside. Kirk recommended me this restaurant up in District 7 when he was here with Spock.”

“Out of all the times you chose to be adventurous,” Hikaru groans, “why does it have to be on our honeymoon? I thought we’d be on it like bunnies.”

“And miss out the spectacular three-sun show that they only held once in a year?” Ben says, looking at Hikaru as if he’s sprouted talons. He pushes Hikaru off the bed, and helmsman of the Enterprise falls with a thud. Ben puts his hands on his hips. “Fine. We go out tonight, and we can spend the whole day in bed tomorrow.”

Hikaru’s head shoots up from the mess of blankets he’s tangled in. He grins. “The whole day?”

Ben smirks. “The whole day.”

Hikaru’s head is already swimming with fantasies. He’s jerked out of it when Ben slams his jacket on his head. “Ouch,” he complains, but Ben is having none of it.

“So get up! I’m starving.”

Hikaru shakes his head fondly. “Aye, aye, Captain.”


End file.
